Before I was entrenched in Blog Land, as I am now, I felt a bit off-kilter, which was one of the reasons why I started this blog in the first place. But before I can delve further, I must back up a bit.
When we learned I was “with child,” my entire life was turned on its head and I knew my current lifestyle was about to change more than I could ever fathom. As I started to get into the groove of motherhood and my 9-5 (more realistically 8-till late) work days were behind me, I felt I needed something else. So much of my self-worth was put into my career and when I chose to leave that behind, I felt a bit lost. In addition to knowing that I needed to stay abreast of current technological trends, I also wanted this space to be a place to vent, chronicle the ups and downs, my likes/dislikes, perhaps a place void of poopy diapers and teething, but perhaps a bit of that as well. Simply put, a little corner of the techno-world where I could record this crazy journey that I’m on.
With the tagline “one woman’s journey to live simpler, healthier and greener, one step at a time,” I forged ahead with the idea that I would catalogue these daily changes, sharing my research and experience towards leading this kind of lifestyle. What’s ironic about this, is that since venturing into the blog community, I feel as if the place that I had intended to head, while still moving in that direction, has been stalled by a new responsibility: blogging. If you don’t blog, then I can’t explain how much time can be dedicated to the process. And if you do, then I know you get it. Like truly, get it.
The fact is, I’m not sure where I’m headed with this space. Is my ultimate goal to make this a personal, 21st century type archive for future generations to view? Provide inspiration to help others lead a more mindful, alternative lifestyle? Attempt to create a second source of income? I’m not really sure yet. What I do know, is that I’ve come to realize three things over the past few months:
1. By immersing myself in this Blog Land, I’ve done precisely that: immersed myself, leaving less room to actually live. If you read any blog, you’ll notice that it ultimately links you to numerous other blogs, which then links you to dozens, hundreds, thousands, hell millions more. It’s overwhelming at best. Tending to be an all-or-nothing person, but striving towards a more balanced lifestyle, I recognize that trying to keep up with all this, is quite literally impossible. It has become a big time suck and ultimately has resulted in little habit circles, which you know I’m trying to avoid.
2. Sometimes I feel as if blogging is too competitive for me. What I mean is, at times I find blogs, while seemingly innovative and endearing, to be plastic, disingenuous and contrived as it seems everyone is trying to make a name for themselves. Which I thoroughly, thoroughly get. If you’re trying to make a living from it, you have to be okay with shameless self-promotion. That said, sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between honest living and wool-over-the-eyes advertising. And I view that as perpetuating and enabling compulsive consumerism. Which is gross.
3. Lastly, after listening to this NPR bit awhile back, I identified with the fact that I feel as if my brain is melting. By constantly checking email, keeping up with tweets and status updates on my Smart Phone, obsessively checking Google Reader for the latest blog posts, and whatever else, at the end of the day, it’s all a blur. (This, coming from a girl who was super late to the game acquiring a cell phone, and it’s been less than a year since I opened a Facebook account, and only a few months since starting Twitter.) I have a difficult time concentrating on any one thing, which is kinda freaking me the eff out. Like my short-term memory is completely fried. I also feel as if I need to be nursing my babe, making a meal, checking email, listening to the radio *doing a zillion and one things at once* in order to feel productive. And what that translates to, is a frazzled mind and lots of unfinished, unfocused living. Double gross.
So what is my point? I’m plugged in too much yo! I read this post today and it really hit home. So, I’ve decided to take a short break from this space, and completely unplug one day per week (and I invite you to take up that challenge along with). Wish me luck!
*what the hell does this picture have to do with the post? Perhaps nothing, except to show that yes, I have always been a complete spaz. And once I was Tina Turner.