Me, circa 1988*
Before I was entrenched in Blog Land, as I am now, I felt a bit off-kilter, which was one of the reasons why I started this blog in the first place. But before I can delve further, I must back up a bit.
When we learned I was “with child,” my entire life was turned on its head and I knew my current lifestyle was about to change more than I could ever fathom. As I started to get into the groove of motherhood and my 9-5 (more realistically 8-till late) work days were behind me, I felt I needed something else. So much of my self-worth was put into my career and when I chose to leave that behind, I felt a bit lost. In addition to knowing that I needed to stay abreast of current technological trends, I also wanted this space to be a place to vent, chronicle the ups and downs, my likes/dislikes, perhaps a place void of poopy diapers and teething, but perhaps a bit of that as well. Simply put, a little corner of the techno-world where I could record this crazy journey that I’m on.
With the tagline “one woman’s journey to live simpler, healthier and greener, one step at a time,” I forged ahead with the idea that I would catalogue these daily changes, sharing my research and experience towards leading this kind of lifestyle. What’s ironic about this, is that since venturing into the blog community, I feel as if the place that I had intended to head, while still moving in that direction, has been stalled by a new responsibility: blogging. If you don’t blog, then I can’t explain how much time can be dedicated to the process. And if you do, then I know you get it. Like truly, get it.
The fact is, I’m not sure where I’m headed with this space. Is my ultimate goal to make this a personal, 21st century type archive for future generations to view? Provide inspiration to help others lead a more mindful, alternative lifestyle? Attempt to create a second source of income? I’m not really sure yet. What I do know, is that I’ve come to realize three things over the past few months:
1. By immersing myself in this Blog Land, I’ve done precisely that: immersed myself, leaving less room to actually live. If you read any blog, you’ll notice that it ultimately links you to numerous other blogs, which then links you to dozens, hundreds, thousands, hell millions more. It’s overwhelming at best. Tending to be an all-or-nothing person, but striving towards a more balanced lifestyle, I recognize that trying to keep up with all this, is quite literally impossible. It has become a big time suck and ultimately has resulted in little habit circles, which you know I’m trying to avoid.
2. Sometimes I feel as if blogging is too competitive for me. What I mean is, at times I find blogs, while seemingly innovative and endearing, to be plastic, disingenuous and contrived as it seems everyone is trying to make a name for themselves. Which I thoroughly, thoroughly get. If you’re trying to make a living from it, you have to be okay with shameless self-promotion. That said, sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between honest living and wool-over-the-eyes advertising. And I view that as perpetuating and enabling compulsive consumerism. Which is gross.
3. Lastly, after listening to this NPR bit awhile back, I identified with the fact that I feel as if my brain is melting. By constantly checking email, keeping up with tweets and status updates on my Smart Phone, obsessively checking Google Reader for the latest blog posts, and whatever else, at the end of the day, it’s all a blur. (This, coming from a girl who was super late to the game acquiring a cell phone, and it’s been less than a year since I opened a Facebook account, and only a few months since starting Twitter.) I have a difficult time concentrating on any one thing, which is kinda freaking me the eff out. Like my short-term memory is completely fried. I also feel as if I need to be nursing my babe, making a meal, checking email, listening to the radio *doing a zillion and one things at once* in order to feel productive. And what that translates to, is a frazzled mind and lots of unfinished, unfocused living. Double gross.
So what is my point? I’m plugged in too much yo! I read this post today and it really hit home. So, I’ve decided to take a short break from this space, and completely unplug one day per week (and I invite you to take up that challenge along with). Wish me luck!
*what the hell does this picture have to do with the post? Perhaps nothing, except to show that yes, I have always been a complete spaz. And once I was Tina Turner.
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13 Responses to “finding balance”
i completely get that. i’ve been having the same struggle the last few days, Ok last few months. what a great challenge. you expressed this challenge so beautifully in your post!
Kim,
I’ve been mulling over these same types of thoughts and feelings all weekend. Thinking about some of the “big blogs” I read and “are they really offering me anything valuable as a reader?” No. I’ve been going through and giving the unsubscribe many nice whacks. And the freakin’ smart phone, everytime I see I have an email on my phone it’s like “well, i should really go online then and clean up my email, delete, respond etc” It’s so bad. I read that the computer is psycho-active and sets the brain’s pleasure signals on fire. It’s really bad. And the saddest, is a year ago I didn’t have a computer and I would read 3 books a week. I haven’t read a book from front to back since last Winter. I read on-line, but i’m not really learning anything. I mean not the way you do from a book and the internet doesn’t leave that feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment the way a book does. Excuse the long-ass comment. Good luck setting limits with the computer, i’m with you. Thanks for sharing those pics, so cute. : )
-F
I totally identify, and since my one post ended up all over the interwebs it’s gotten even more so. A while ago I turned off the email indicator on my iPhone. I designate time at night to go through my blog list. I try not to fall down worm holes to all the other blogs out there, and while I do feel pressure now that I have actual readers (and no plans to try to make any kind of income from my blog) to post more often, I keep the entries short and digestible for both overwhelmed readers AND myself. I hope you find your balance and of course that when you do, you share it with the rest of us!!
I totally get this. Was in the same boat myself and am back to reality and loving it now that I’ve scaled back.
It’s like you have this idea of how it’s going to go down when you start blogging, and then realize what it’s really like and what it takes once you’re in it, and it can be overwhelming, especially for us “all or nothing” people.
Thanks for sharing and hope you find balance for yourself, which is different for all of us.
R
Hi Kimberly-
I’m so happy to hear your perspective on this because it’s just nice to know that I’m not alone. I was forced to unplug yesterday since our power was out and I had a really hard time—I was planning to do it, but then being forced to do it made me grumpy. Happily, I managed to pull it together, enjoy a homecooked meal (grateful for that gas stove), and spend more time in the garden than I would have. I think the biggest thing for me is not feeling guilty about all of the things that I feel like I “should be doing”. I think that is going to take some time but when I think about how much time I would have if I compiled all of the hours spent on blogs each week, that helps me stay committed to at least taking one day to let my mind rest—and Focus on one thing at a time.
Thank you for sharing!
I’m having the same thoughts — and I often wonder about the subtle messages being sent out by some bloggers and if it really boils down to marketing and positioning. That’s okay — but not for me. Thanks for your well-written and heartfelt prose. It’s good to know others are on the same page.
wow…you said exactly what i have been thinking! it seems there are quite a few of us in the same boat.
i really do find blogging rewarding–mostly because i’ve connected with like-minded people and have discovered lots of creative inspiration. however, i am struggling with trying to figure out my purpose in blogging, too.
i think it’s such a good idea to unplug for a while. i tried to completely unplug one day a week back in the spring. it was really hard to do while i was in school.
i forgot to say that i love these photos!
Wow! Wow! Wow! I so get what you said about the big blogs out there. I can’t imagine the time devoted to what they do. I know they have advertisers so they need to keep it up. There are some crafty blogs that post garbage projects just to keep the readers coming back. It’s like they need to fill a tutorial quota. For now I’m happy just keeping up with myself. I spend waaaaaaaay too much time on the computer and iphone. Like it’s sickening. I forced myself this morning to stay offline and organize photos to develop since I’ve gotten behind. Holy shehot! I found out I’m years behind with photos of my kids. I’m old fashioned and like paper photo albums so this really freaked me out. Funny thing is now I’m online again furiously uploading photos to develop. Computers… I can’t live without them that’s for sure. Just wish I could live with a little less.
you know I understand, and really, based on your photos, we should have been hanging out back in the eighties!
on October 2nd, 2010 at 2:00 am #
[...] cannot thank you enough for all of the kind, understanding and humorous notes that were left on my last post. I have thoroughly enjoyed my little blogging break, but am happy to be back in this space as well. [...]
Hmmm. I’m going to leave this on my computer screen today. You are so inspiring and I know that it takes a lot of time to sit down and write what you are feeling and thinking and I thank you for that. I really enjoyed reading through the comments and a lot of great experience-based knowledge has been shared. Here’s to a thoughtful and balanced day – starting now. (I’m getting off the computer)
on May 27th, 2011 at 6:10 am #
[...] my decision to blog a bit less, and stay away from the computer just a bit more, after revisiting this post. I’m not sure I can summon better words than what I originally wrote in response to Amy, [...]