This was me five years ago, after losing 100 pounds. Age 25.
At the start of the summer I celebrated my 30th. And yes, while it was my birthday, and the cake was gluten-free,
I assure you, I did not need that cupcake.
I’m not gonna lie. This post, this topic in general, terrifies me to make public. But showing these photos and my obvious struggle is worth any momentary embarrassment because the topic couldn’t be anymore relevant. According to the CDC, 33.8% of Americans are obese; some studies suggest the amount is more like 68%. I’m so done being part of this statistic. After downloading the above image one night, I was floored. I remember thinking “How did this happen? I promised myself I would never be here again.” It took two more months and a health crisis (food+intolerances=nasty symptoms) before I was ready to make a serious change. That crisis led me to my current solution.
I’ve lost 32 pounds since that “fat photo” was taken in April. I’m pretty stoked. But like I said, I’ve been down this weight loss path before. In my early 20’s I weighed 230 pounds. I lost 100 and it changed my life. But then something changed. I started listening to those nasty voices in my head again, telling me I still wasn’t good enough or thin enough, eating those foods my body craved, but it doesn’t tolerate well, and I gained weight. I’ve tried so hard to be a gorgeously confident, self-assured, Big Beautiful Women, but the fact of the matter is, I know that if I actually felt good about myself I wouldn’t be a Big Beautiful Woman. You can’t fix a body you hate.
I’ll honor self love at any size or shape, truly, but for me, being at a healthy weight is self love. I want to focus on that this time around, and congratulate myself with each pound lost, walk taken and apple eaten. Celebrate every bambino step, rather than focus on the steps left to take. And I want to feel worthy enough to continue showing myself love when I slip. It’s so easy for me to accept defeat and then spiral out-of-control rather than take things in stride. But life is not perfect, and I am not perfect.
So that’s where I’m at. I hope you will follow along on this journey with me and hope that at best, it will inspire, and hey, at worst, it will amuse. I’m totally aware that my path to health might not be your solution. And that’s fine. I hope you do whatever feels best for you. I’ll continue to share my discoveries and the ups and downs of this journey, and I would be so honored and inspired to learn about yours. Who wants to join me?