Since early July I have been participating in an online Biggest Loser-esque competition that my mom’s friend puts on several times per year. Well…I won. First place. A cash prize. Me. I am the biggest loser.
I don’t remember my winning weight, but the number below reflects my last weigh-in.
And while I gave you an unannounced sneak peek earlier this week, here’s a few full body shots.
I have so many new thoughts about my weight-loss and instead of diving into a 1,000 word monologue, yet again I’ll try to make my random thoughts appear more organized.
- Holy shit I am in the 150’s.
- That seems small.
- That still seems huge.
- I am fully aware of the term “skinny fat.” Let me say that I don’t think I’m skinny. I know I’m still quite chubby. But if I keep losing weight at the rate that I am, before long, I’ll be skinny.
- But if I don’t start exercising, I’ll still be fat.
- Fat. Fat. Fat.
- Wait, didn’t I start this journey to be healthy? To focus on health and not appearance? To squelch the inner dialogue of thinking skinny vs. fat and feel, nay, be…healthy?
- Oh right. Crap.
- My motivation seems off.
- And come to realize it, I actually appear thinner and healthier in my last weight-loss post, even though I was 10 pounds heavier. What gives?
- Perhaps it’s from inflammation.
- Perhaps from all the cheating I’ve been doing the past few weeks by way of corn tortilla chips, gluten-free pizza, dairy on said pizza and Halloween candy that has my priorities all askew and my gut inflamed.
- And is mainly why I feel like a big pile of poo these days.
It’s time to get real again. Time to turn over a new leaf and re-motivate. Time to focus on healing my gut and not my pant size. I acknowledge that adhering to my own damn “secrets,” will help everything else fall into place. I’ll want to feel healthy, want to allow myself adequate rest and want to *gasp* exercise. But how does one re-motivate once they’ve spiraled? When one goes on a bit of a bender, it can seem so difficult to get back on track. Especially a recovering food-aholic, and especially one with food intolerances. My solution is to focus on hitting my goals at least 60% of the time. Because before long I’ll start to feel better and that 70, 80, 90, 99% will become easier to achieve. And when I’m hitting my mark, I feel on top of the world. Weight-loss is a journey. What I’ve learned thus far is that:
- Simply knowing what needs to be done without taking action is simply wishing and hoping for change, which is an old “unhealthy-me” habit that ultimately leads nowhere. In other words,
- one has to stop wishing and hoping and act in order to bring change.
- So…
Here’s the part where I commit to honoring my body by staying away from my food intolerances, eating healthy, getting to bed early and starting an exercise regime. Here’s the part where I build up a bunch of positivity and perhaps, motivate someone else to make a change. But I’m just not quite there yet. I’d be a big phony if I attempted to craft some epic monologue like that. Honestly guys, I need a bit more time to detox from sugar and lack of sleep before I’m capable of that right now. But I’m slowly heading in the right direction. The key is to continue with that momentum, no matter how small. Follow that kernel of desire to change. Refuse to spiral. So now that you’re all semi-pumped up from this post, I’ll leave you with these parting photos.
I might not be this yet, but over the past five months, I’ve come a long way.
Right now I really need to reflect on that, relish in my progress, celebrate it, like truly celebrate, in order to continue making positive steps towards change. I deserve to focus on how far I’ve come, and not how far I have yet to go. Bambino steps.
How are you doing in your quest for health?
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