This little guy is minutes away from having his third open heart surgery. This will be his fourth heart surgery since first; his fifth surgery overall. He is three years old. He is my nephew. He is wonderful. He is amazing. He is the most courageous human I know. Tough as nails. And I love him dearly. I love him so dearly. This surgery is really scary. My family and I appreciate every good thought, prayer, and light sent his way. He needs it all so very much right now. And I thank you deeply.

Update #1: His surgery went well. Took two hours to get to his heart; they were able to do the fixes they set out to do. Everything went well. They had some complications when trying to start his heart. He is on a pacemaker and now we wait for his heart to start beating on its own. He has a few more days for that to happen before the pacemaker could become permanent.

Update #2: Last night he developed a fever and the doctors are now checking for infection. This is the hardest part now, for his parents to see him in such agony, while this boy fights and struggles and ultimately, perseveres.

Update #3 - Rough night. Eliah’s pacer box was going all over the place, keeping everyone up and caused much distress. The medical staff changed it out for a new one, but it continued to make awful beeps throughout the night. His heart continues to be fully supported by the pacer box, unable to beat on its own. That said, he is blowing bubbles and watching movies and has eaten a graham cracker, his first solid food in days. He also gave his Dad a smile today, his first since the surgery. His brothers and sisters were able to visit him yesterday. Everyone is super exhausted, of course that goes without saying.

Update #4 – Eliah’s pacer box has been changed out several times, they deemed that it was not working. This evening at 8:00pm he was rushed into emergency surgery where he is now getting temporary pacer wires put in through this j-tube, which is a line to through the jugular to the heart. My sister and brother-in-law are pretty much at their max. Their other children had their first day of school day, Ellie’s first day at kindergarten, Marybeth’s first day of 3rd grade and Benji’s 1st in 5th grade, skipping 4th. He threw up in class. This is all really taking a toll on everyone. Continued positive thoughts and prayers are so very much appreciated.

Update #5 – Eliah is scheduled to have a permanent pace maker put into his chest tomorrow morning at 8:00am. They will open his chest again for this. I was able to see him on Skype this evening, and I was then able to spent the evening with him in the PICU, the first time I’ve seen him in person since his initial heart surgery. When I first arrived at the PICU to check in I heard the most horrific screams of “OW” over and over again; it was really difficult to listen to a child in that much agony; I then realized it was my nephew. They were putting in the IV. I only had to endure it for about two minutes, but I know it went on for a lot longer. I have said it before and will say it again, my sister and brother-in-law are beyond, beyond amazing. After it was over, I spent the evening playing with him and his new toy, which was given to him after all his pokes. We also sang our family’s favorite lullaby Chi-Baba Chi-Baba (My Bambino Go to Sleep) along with the Perry Como recording, over and over and over again. It was the sweetest thing. I shall never forget this (totally impromptu and unexpected) evening with my nephew. I shall always cherish it. Thank you for your continued positive thoughts and prayers. We are so close to moving forward from this heart surgery (though others are inevitable). I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Update #6 – Just went through a roller coaster 24 hours. Eliah was outfitted with a permanent pace maker; the surgery went well. We saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Then we were informed that there was air around his right lung. We waited to see if one of his chest tubes would eradicate the problem. They did not. Late last night they performed a procedure which he was numbed for, but awake for, involving a long needle. This kid is amazing. They were able to suck all the extra air out and we were told there would be x-rays this morning (Saturday) to see if the air returned. IT DID NOT. There is now talk of taking out his remaining chest tube and moving them upstairs, out of the PICU at some point. This is huge. HUGE. Major light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you again so much. We are all so ready to move forward.

Update #7 – Whew. Okay so the last 11 days (how has that much time passed already?) have been insane. Eliah is now back at home, resting, recooping and healing. He has been through so much, both physically and mentally. My parents were each able to sit him on their laps yesterday. He has not been able to be held in nearly two weeks. Can you imagine that? Especially as a child who endured so much? And most of the physical touch that he has felt has been from strangers, with cold, rubbered hands, using cold, hurtful instruments. He’s traumatized, but at home, where he should be, with his brother and sisters and parents, playing, resting and eating. He has lost so much muscle tone that he has to be held upright in order to eat, but he is eating. And he is such a fighter, I have no doubt he will be running and jumping and pushing and pulling and climbing in no time. This boy, I tell you, he is amazing. Thank you for reading along on this journey, and for the kind words, and supportive thoughts and prayers that you have sent our way. It has meant a lot to be able to share something so personal, so, well, heart-wrenching, with the world. And I know Eliah appreciates it more than he could possibly express. Thank you.

Thought I’d revisit some of last summer’s favorite posts. I loved these summer salads.

Pink drinks – (substitute 1/4-1/2 cup honey for sugar; use seasonal fruits)

How to store tinctures and essential oils

Tie One On: circus themed apron

Finding balance

Today is our fifth wedding anniversary. Huh? Like, what? Where did the time go? How has it been another year already? How has it been five? Number four seems just like yesterday. And then yes, it does feel as though an entire year has gone by. So much has happened. Each year, so much has happened; it’s been a blur. While I can’t record every moment of our lives, I want to record a memory of this milestone and memories of our, oh man, our twenties, before they become part of the blur.

I never want to forget those tunes we played at our wedding. The ones that meant so very much to us. Those little notes that played background to our lives back then. Music was so important to us. We sweated over that playlist, and had so much fun putting it all together, burning all those discs. Each song played some part in our relationship up until that point. I can still see us sitting in our old, crappy Hoyt St. apartment, playing Canasta, listening to Matisyahu and Mates of State. Or chain smoking out our window with John and opening up his music world. Staring up at the ceiling listening to Ben Harper. Dancing about to Joanna Newsom. Flirting with one another at Sabala’s while metal bands blared in the next room. Texas Tea. That was such an exciting time for me. Driving all the way to Newport to get the new White Stripes, and blaring it on the drive back, windows rolled down. Telling you I loved you for the first time in Uncle Paul’s Produce Market while Elvis played on the radio. I can still smell the ripe fruit. I went back to my place after that and danced to Frou Frou turned up to 11 – until my neighbor pounded on the wall. God we had fun. I never want to forget that gloriously carefree time of our young love, before we stepped back down to Earth and real life took over. I want to remember that intense infatuation and devotion that we felt for one another, our live-for-the-moment mentality that created such incredible opportunities for us, or those beautiful vows we promised to one another on that sacred day. So deliriously drunk in love we were. The kind of love that makes one fearless – like you can take on the world. And we did. I want to relish in that.

The Shower. I loved your shoulders in that shirt. And I adored your enthusiasm and gratitude with every present that was opened.

The Dinner. I remember how nervous we were at first, squeezing each others hands under the table. And how perfect it went, and how much fun we had.

The ‘Moon. Oh the ‘moon. The missed flight. The overnight in Houston. Those warm cookies. Surviving the storm. Walking the beach before it was totally over; almost getting caught in those epic waves, navigating debris and loosing sandals in the wet sand. We were such a good team. That horse ride through the jungle. Those coconut shrimp. The geckos! Oh God the geckos! Crazy taxi rides into the city. Getting caught in the rain on the Malacon. That hilarious vendor in Ixtapa trying out American slang and cuss words. Bogarts. The chartered boat. I thought we were going to die out there. The bike rides down dirt roads to Barra de Potosi. Swimming with locals. The machine guns and wild dogs. Jenga. Lightening. Pistolo. Iguanas. The allergic reaction. The rental car and road trip to Petatlan. I will never forget all those crazy, virtually undriveable back roads, the stares, and the sights we, as tourists, were probably not meant to see. Tamales y Atoles. The first class flight. The cheese. The mezcal. The warmth. The adventure. The love.

We swore we’d go back. We promised ourselves we’d travel more and see the world. To keep things new and fresh and never lose the wonder of discovery.  And we did, but in ways we never planned for or imagined. The past five years have been all about adventure, growth and change. And it’s been…everything. I am so ready to take the next plunge and discover what else this life of ours has in store for us, our love blossoming and maturing all the more, year after year. All I know, is that with you by my side, the possibilities are endless. I love you all the way to the moon and back. <3 Kimberly